


Two (broken) Souls

by wombathos



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Road Trips, Soul Stone (Marvel), Suicidal Thoughts, like big ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-02-04 18:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18610201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wombathos/pseuds/wombathos
Summary: **Major spoilers ahead**Strange, really. She had never believed in souls.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Last spoiler warning.
> 
> Endgame, huh? That was certainly a film.
> 
> Well there's really one character's fate which I absolutely had to fix and that quite neatly coincided with a hanging irritation from Infinity War. So here we go. I have a... rough plan for this one. We shall see.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [@arimabat](https://arimabat.tumblr.com) where you can chat or indeed scream at me about that film.

It was strange, really. She could not remember the impact. A small mercy, perhaps, but still odd. Perhaps her consciousness had fled her body before then. Perhaps it was some bizarre infinity stone-machination: after all it was the _soul_ stone. Perhaps her soul had left her body before she reached the ground.

Strange, really. She had never believed in souls.

It was strange, too, that she was thinking any of this. Because to think, there really had to be a _her_ think it, right? She had never had a lot of time for philosophy except as a mild curiosity of sorts, but she was familiar enough with that general idea. 

Perhaps her soul would just kind of float around forever. Wouldn’t that be depressing. Or maybe she would fade soon, and this last vestige of consciousness with it. Which, all things considered, was only a _little_ better.

 _At least Clint’s alive_.

And wasn’t that something? Her last act had been a success. She had saved the man who had saved her all those years ago, given him the chance to be reunited with his family. If she had possessed a body, she would have smiled.

 _Maybe it’s time to rest_.

There was nothing. Nothing for her, anyway. Nothing to see or hear, no body to do it with. It wasn’t even dark. It was just… nothing. Sparks of a consciousness, sparking for the last time.

* * *

Natasha woke up.

As a rule, she was a fast-waker. Years of experience made sure that consciousness returned quickly, ready for whatever situation she might face. But this time, it was more like a gradual slog. The confusion of a sea of thoughts as she struggled to recall where she was or what had happened last. The snap… Five years… Scott, the quantum realm…

Vormir.

Her eyes flew open.

Bright light hit her, making her blink furiously, even as in her fuzzy brain the thought registered… she could see. She had eyes to see light with. She could feel arms, legs… Back a bit stiff. No pain, which was nice. Apparently a grazed knee hurt her more than being thrown off a cliff.

Her mouth opened and she let out a short unintended laugh that turned into a spluttering cough. She squinted at the bright sky, which wasn’t really that bright now that her eyes had adjusted a little. Orange. An orange sky. A sky.

“This is surprising,” she said. And sure, her throat was definitely dry as hell but that was still her voice.

Was this… Was this an after-life?

A part of her brain instantly went, _That’s ridiculous._ And, fair enough, she hadn’t really held much stock in the whole life-after-death thing. She’d always figured it was one of those convenient little truths humans told themselves, although at several points in the last five years she would have quite liked to believe it herself. Still, even if there _were_ an after-life, surely the whole ‘permanent exchange’ shtick would exclude her from that.

But then again, this would hardly be the strangest thing to happen to her. It probably wouldn’t even be the strangest thing that had happened to her in the last 24 hours, assuming that time had any meaning here and assuming she hadn’t been asleep/comatose/other for the last hundred years or whatever.

_Maybe you should get up?_

Maybe she should.

She moved her arms first. They made a splashing sound, which was what made her realise she was partly submerged in water. She flexed her elbows, dug them into the soil and sat up. The water moved around her and she felt her braid slap against her back, heavy and thoroughly wet. She let her hands move through the water in a vague paddling motion, aware of every sensation in a way she had never been before. The water was cool, but not unpleasant. It also did not feel wet. Which was odd. She realised that even though the sky was lit up orange, she could not feel the sun on her.

_Is any of this real?_

She was still dead, right? Maybe water just wasn’t wet in the after-life. Whatever this place was. This orange place. Orange, like the soul stone. She looked around. There was nothing there, as far as she could see. Just water.

Natasha stood up, making splashing sounds in the water that did not feel wet. It was good to be on her feet again. She was still wearing the same clothes as she had been when she died. The water slid off easily so the only thing left damp was her hair. She looked around again, then turned to look behind her.

That was when she saw the woman.

She was standing under the first actual building of sorts Natasha had seen, four columns with a slanted roof, its shadow reflected on the water behind it. Leaning against a column, she was watching Natasha in an almost uninterested manner, like this was all perfectly normal. Her skin was green.

Natasha took a step towards her, then another step. When she was about ten feet away, she stopped.

“Who are you?”

The woman kept watching her. They stood in silence, each sizing up the other.

“What is this place?”

The woman’s lips quirked. “You know.”

It took another moment, but Natasha put two and two together. “You’re Gamora.”

A pause. “Why do you know that name?”

“Your sister,” said Natasha. “I know her. Nebula. We’ve been working together.”

That made Gamora smile, properly this time. A warmth spread through her face that made Natasha’s heart twinge a little.

Natasha gave her a moment before saying, “We’re in the soul stone, aren’t we.”

Gamora nodded slowly. “He succeeded. A part of me met him, when he did. Part of my soul, used by the stone so that it was more like a lie.”

“What does that mean?”

“I barely know.” She appraised Natasha again, now looking almost confused. “But I don’t understand. The stone had been taken from Vormir. How can you be here? It did not require another sacrifice.”

“Yeah,” said Natasha, frowning. “There’s actually something that doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“How do you mean?”

“You die in the future.”

“What?”

“The future, out there. It might be _our_ past, but I died in 2014.”

Gamora stared at her. Then her eyes closed in realisation. “You collected the stone in the past.”

“Yes.”

“Time travel? How?”

“With the… It’s the quantum realm.”

Gamora opened her eyes again, giving Natasha a questioning look.

“We go really small and that puts us in another… a super tiny world where the laws of time work differently.”

A pause. “Right.”

“It’s complicated.”

“But why?”

“Because Thanos destroyed the stones. Using the stones. Five years ago… well, from my perspective. I guess from the out-there perspective it’s in four years time.” She half-smiled. “Time travel is pretty confusing.”

“There’s no time here,” said Gamora. “The soul stone is a constant. Which is why I’m here. Even if the version of the stone I was trapped in is gone.”

“Right,” said Natasha, echoing the other woman. “But then how long has it been for you?”

Gamora shrugged. “I’m not sure. A long time I think.” Her brow furrowed. “It would make sense… all timelines move onwards, don’t they? Even when they loop back. So big picture, considering your subjective experience of time… How long did you say it’s been? Five years?”

This wasn’t making sense at all to Natasha, but the implication was clear enough. “Are you saying you’ve been here for five years?”

Gamora nodded.

Natasha looked around again, at the world lit orange. “But what else is there?”

“Nothing. This is it.”

“It _can’t_ be.”

“I have looked. I’ve always returned here, in the end. At least it's something familiar.”

“So what happens now?”

Gamora gave her a sad smile. “Nothing.” Her gaze travelled past Natasha, staring out at the vast expanse of nothingness. “I’m sorry. But this is all there is.”


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha drew her knees close to her as she sat back against a column. It was something she had done a lot as a child, hugging them as close to her as she could, and then had grown out of. Until the last five years had happened, bringing all her old habits back. Now it was just comforting.

After a while, she said, “At least the water doesn’t feel wet.”

There were a few splashing sounds and Gamora appeared in her line of sight, lowering herself against another column, facing her. Natasha scooted around her own column a little so that she could better look at the other woman.

“That’s true.”

“Do you know why?”

Gamora had settled down, cross-legged, back resting lightly against the column. “No. I don’t feel pain, either. Only the most basic of sensations.”

“It’s odd. I never liked pain when it was there. But this is just…”

“Empty,” finished Gamora. “After a while, you’ll wish the water felt wet.”

Well that was something to look forward to. “My name’s Natasha,” she said. “If we’re going to be stuck here for eternity, you might as well know what to call me.”

Gamora nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Natasha.”

“Nice to meet you too. Wish you hadn’t been thrown off a cliff.”

A thin smile. “Likewise.”

“I… jumped. Kind of.”

Again the appraising look. “You sacrificed yourself willingly?”

“Yes. There were two of us… We both wanted to be the one. We fought. I won.” A short laugh. “In a way.”

It wasn’t necessarily easy to read the alien’s expressions, especially after so little time together. Still, she reckoned there was a little regret in Gamora’s eyes. “You must have cared deeply for them.”

“He saved me, long ago. I was simply repaying him.”

“A gift he did not willingly accept.”

A shrug. “He was always stubborn.”

“How bizarre,” said Gamora, lips quirking. “I think I may be jealous.”

Jealous? Presumably because… “Why?”

“I know we both died and that we’re both stuck here. Still… I would have liked to make the choice for myself. To have died saving someone I love.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It isn’t your doing.”

“If it helps, we did kill that version of Thanos.”

“You did? How?”

“Once he’d lost all the stones,” said Natasha, feeling sick at the memory. “Too late. But he was easier to fight and we had help. In the end, he was decapitated. You met Thor, didn’t you?”

Gamora nodded. “Briefly. He mentioned Thanos had killed his brother.”

Right. Loki. Thor never had much spoken about that, but then again he had hardly spoken about Loki the first time he had ‘died’ either. Perhaps there had just been too much going on. After all, most of Thor’s people had died as well. Or perhaps Thor hadn’t felt comfortable bringing it up with any of the Avengers, considering their shared history.

That made her think of Clint again. Clint, who had been able to keep it together for as long as she had known him, despite everything. And then the last five years happened and he… seeing him again, it had been horrifying. And…

Well, perhaps, with his family back…

“It didn’t end up bringing Thor much satisfaction,” she said.

Oddly enough, that made Gamora smile. “That’s what I always told my sister. I’m sure she was disappointed she didn’t have the chance to do it herself.”

Natasha remembered how Nebula had leaned down, shut his eyes. Raised by monsters. They had that in common, of course. “I’m sure she was.”

* * *

They sat in silence for an indeterminable amount of time. Presumably all time here was indeterminable. Did five years actually feel like five years? What did infinity feel like?

Natasha heard something, which distracted her from this idle train of thought. She couldn’t initially identify the sound and waited until it became a little louder. Then she realised it was coming from Gamora.

She was humming a tune.

It grew gradually louder and sounded suspiciously like something from back home. It took Natasha a little longer, then she identified it. ‘Come A Little Bit Closer’.

What an absurd universe this was.

Gamora made it well into a stirring rendition of ‘I Will Survive’ when she noticed Natasha was watching her. She cut herself off.

“Don’t,” said Natasha, trying to suppress the smile that had crept to her face. “It was nice. Oddly up lifting.”

“I’ve gotten used to being alone,” said Gamora shortly. She looked down, uncomfortable, before frowning and glancing back at Natasha. “You know it?”

“Yes,” said Natasha. “Popular song. I’m guessing this was Quill’s influence?” At Gamora’s startled look, she said, “Rocket told me. Five years and I ended up getting a lot of his opinions on Terran music.”

“That must have been weird.”

“It was certainly interesting,” said Natasha, smiling openly. “I’ve gotten used to weird.”

Gamora nodded. Then her expression changed. “I never even asked.”

“Hm?”

“About what happened. When Thanos won.” It was like something inside her collapsed. She almost seemed to shrivel before her. “I was so desperate that they survive, and then to know what happened… and I never even asked what happened to them.”

Natasha shook her head. “That’s understandable. It’s been five years.”

“They’re my _friends_ ,” said Gamora quietly. “My family.”

“I know.”

“And?”

“And…”

“What happened to them?”

Not this again. So many times, yet she could never quite get used to… “Rocket’s alive. So is Nebula. The others…” She could almost see the light leave Gamora’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Quill?”

She shook her head again, more slowly. “They were all dusted. Killed in the snap, I mean. Which also means they can be brought back. That’s what we’ve been trying to do.”

“And you think you can succeed?”

“I know they will.”

It wasn’t her fight any more.

Still, it hurt to see Gamora try to swallow her pain. “At least there’s hope for them,” she said eventually.

But that made Natasha think. About their situation, about this bizarre place. Even after all this time, she couldn’t quite relinquish the part of her that fought. That always had to keep fighting. “Surely we can’t be the only two here?”

“What?”

“Is there anyone else? Others who have been sacrificed like we were. There must have been others who went looking for the soul stone.”

“Maybe they weren’t prepared to pay the price.”

“Perhaps,” said Natasha, doubting it. “So there’s no one?”

“I’ve never seen anyone.” A frown. “Sometimes I see… shadows. But I don’t know any more. I think anyone would fade eventually.”

“Fade?” asked Natasha. Then - “Can you… can you still die here?”

Gamora shook her head.

How _did_ she know that?

She must have understood the look on Natasha’s face. “Eventually… I tried. In several ways. Just to see. But I always just woke up again.” Her smile was somewhere between dark and sad. “I wouldn’t recommend it. Kind of messes with your sense of self. It makes sense, I suppose. Wouldn’t be much of a prison if you could leave easily.”

No, Natasha would never quite get used to any of this. “Do you think that’s what this is? A prison?”

Gamora shrugged. “We can’t leave, can we?”

“Then how would you fade?”

“Just lie down,” she said. “Give up. Perhaps you would just sink into the ground eventually. Or just lie there, still in the water.”

She had been here for a long time. Alone all the while…

There was always a more horrible fate right around the corner.

“What if we could escape?”

Gamora laughed, sound hollow. “Do you seriously think I didn’t try?”

“Well, what did you try?”

“I went as far as I could. There’s nothing, anywhere.”

“Did you go in every direction?”

Gamora gave her a scathing look. “Five years. What do you _think_?”

“Fair enough.” She stretched, not that it was really necessary. Force of habit. “Is there anything else like this?” she asked, gesturing at the columns.

“No.”

“So it just continues? Nothing else out there?”

“Like I said,” said Gamora with a sigh. “It almost… feels like it repeats itself. I manage to get this place so far into the distance that it disappears. And I keep walking. But then, when I walk back… the times aren’t right. I take too short, I think. It’s hard to tell. Maybe I’m just walking and walking and not moving at all.”

“Like a kind of illusion.”

“Nothing here is real. It’s all just illusions and dreams.”

“A prison for our souls,” said Natasha, still working to digest all this information. “Our bodies are back on Vormir, right? Different times, same place.”

“I take it Thanos didn’t bother to give me a burial. So yes, that sounds like a reasonable assumption,” said Gamora.

Natasha ignored the brittle tone. “But our souls are _in_ the stone, right?”

A nod. Gamora was starting to look bored.

“How do we know our souls aren’t actually still on Vormir? How do we know this isn’t somewhere there?”

“Because Thanos was able to communicate with me when he murdered half the universe.”

“Hm… Couldn’t the stone act as a sort of conduit? Maybe a link for our souls which are actually some place else?”

Natasha was about to speculate further when Gamora interrupted, voice harsh.

“Does any of this _matter_?”

“I’m trying to gather information,” said Natasha calmly. “Any detail might help us figure a way out of this.”

“I’ve already told you. There is no way out.”

“And I’m not prepared to accept that.”

“Then you’re a fool.” When Natasha did not respond, she added, “I have been trapped here for a very long time. Nothing has changed.”

“It has.”

“What?”

“I’m here now.”

“There’s nothing _you_ can do.”

Natasha shook her head. “I want to figure this out with you. Together.”

“You’re just some Terran,” said Gamora. “Whoever you are back on your planet, these are forces far beyond your control, or indeed mine. The soul stone is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What makes you think you could possibly have any influence upon it?”

Natasha shrugged, a smile playing across her face. “I’ve been called stubborn. Belligerent even.”

Gamora knitted her hands together, considering them and Natasha in turn. “Do all Terrans believe they can master the universe with sheer force of will?” she asked eventually, more softly now.

Natasha took a moment to answer. “Only the clever ones.”

“You won’t succeed.”

“That doesn’t mean I won’t try," she said. “And I want you to help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will start getting more solidly into the 'fix it' territory.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments! I'm very slow at replying but I do usually get around to it eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

The columns resembled Earth architecture in a vague sort of way. Earth did, after all, have columns too, plus the general shape and decorations didn’t look like they’d be out of place on her home planet. There were eight of them in total, in two rows, with markings etched into them in a neat if plain pattern. Natasha ran her hands over them. The surface was cool, hard as stone. Probably _was_ stone.

“Think I’m going to explore our surroundings,” she said.

“You won’t find anything.”

Right. The alien hadn’t become any cheerier. It was to be expected, she supposed: five years of solitude would mess with anyone’s mind. The last five years had messed plenty with _her_ mind and she’d had the occasional company.

“Any recommended direction?”

“It’s all the same.”

Natasha didn’t bother replying to that. She looked around once. The sun hadn’t moved, probably would never move, might well not even be a sun but a dream light source of some kind. Even the existence of a singular light source was debatable, given the general orange-ness of their surroundings, except for the clear shadows of the columns as well as her own shadow pointing off in the same, consistent direction. Which was at least useful for orientation purposes.

So she had come from the shadow-free side. Head that way or head the other?

In the end, she headed the other way. Might as well try to move forwards.

* * *

The water splashed around her ankles and occasionally her calves as she walked. That was interesting: there did seem to be some slight variation in water depth, even if the ground seemed entirely flat.

Her standards of what counted as interesting were really dropping fast.

She trudged on, idly wondering how the Avengers were doing in their quest. With any luck, they would have brought back all the snapped people by now. Well, now as in nine years in the future. Either way… could that really be possible? Could they actually have managed?

Hope. Something she’d forgotten, with that sagging  weight on their shoulders becoming ever more overwhelming. The hell of the first few months as denial turned to despondency and despair and anger - not just one cycle of grief but a constant, constant repeat. Carol leaving, Thor leaving, Tony gradually withdrawing as the pregnancy progressed… Bruce… well, she hardly even knew what had changed within him. He’d just taken off and the next time she had gotten word of him was when he looked like the Hulk, which had seemed pretty damn worrying at the time but wasn’t… Not really, anyway.

And as they sent the others out on missions, Rhodey in particular seeming desperate to move as fast and as far as possible (like he could outrun his pain, as if any of them could, but maybe he just needed to escape the New York that his sister Jeanette had called home) and Rocket and Nebula, helping the best they could…

And then it was her. Her and Steve, searching for solutions in a compound that became more and more deserted more and more frequently.

For the first few months neither of them could stop for a single moment. Because they _had_ to fix it. They had to fix it all. Every single second, used to search for a solution, because there _had_ to be one.

In the end, something had to give. It was her. When Steve found crouched over a map, sobbing like she hadn’t thought she was capable of, he had calmed her and held her and then told her to ‘get some fucking air’ and she’d almost left before she realised he also really, really needed it. So in the end they’d dragged each other out.

She thought of Steve as she walked. It had become a weekly thing, their one concession to each other. The one thing they forced each other to do, whatever happened. Sometimes she thought it might be the only reason why she was still here.

* * *

So yeah. Her surroundings had stopped changing a while ago. It was really hard to keep track of time here, but clearly this wasn’t going anywhere. She sighed, and turned around. Time to head back.

When she reached Gamora again, she got the full arms-folded eyebrows-raised treatment.

“And did you find a way to escape our eternal torment?”

“No,” said Natasha evenly. “Well, you know what they say. Quitters never win.” She walked past Gamora and off in the other direction.

Gamora called after her. “You’re really just heading the other way?”

“Yes, I am,” she called back.

And off she trudged again.

She heard Gamora in the distance, sounding like she was screaming at her. “ _There’s no way out!_ ”

* * *

Natasha sat down. Gamora and the building were out of sight by now, lost far beyond the horizon. It wasn’t like she was sore, exactly, more like her mind wanted a break from commanding her muscles to move. Sitting down was doing something different. 

_I can't do eternity here. I just can't._

She was going to figure this out. She had to.

Back on Earth, years in the future, they’d had their split seconds where they forgot. Sometimes they went on those nice walks. Sometimes she woke up and didn’t feel like she was choking. But for her anyway, she’d never managed to shake the constant guilt. And so she had never stopped working. Even _Steve_ had managed to adjust better than she had.

All she had left was her work.

And she had tried to exhaust every solution, she really thought she had. She had failed time and time again. Eventually, she thought there wasn't anything. She had gotten as close as she ever had to accepting that they had in fact lost.

Perhaps she had stopped looking. Perhaps she had thought it was more important to focus on those left. Perhaps she just could not bring herself to keep trying.

But as Scott had demonstrated, she had been wrong.

She had known about Scott. If she could have hunted down that lead earlier, figured things out, how much pain could she have spared people? Maybe there was a way out of here. Maybe there wasn't. But she would exhaust every single damn possibility.

And this time she would not stop.

* * *

“ _Still_ not found the solution?” asked Gamora, looking at her with dead eyes. “I’m shocked.”

Natasha didn’t bother responding to that.  “Might as well try a third direction,” she said with a meaningless yawn. “Get all the nautical directions done and then maybe think of my next approach.”

She started walking but didn't get very far. That was because Gamora had barrelled into her from behind and had thrown her to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I said this chapter would be getting into the 'fix it' territory... It kind of grew too long and became more like three chapters. Fixing will at some point come, promise.


	4. Chapter 4

Gamora’s shoulder impacted her hard. Hard enough to send Natasha skidding through the water even as she dug her feet in the soil to stop her progress. It wasn’t easy.

“ _What_ are you doing?”

Gamora's eyes were wild, which probably wasn’t a good sign. “There's nothing there. Stop trying.”

“I'm not about to give up,”said Natasha slowly, getting to her feet. She looked at how Gamora was standing with knees bent in a ready position and reflexively mimicked her even as she stretched out both hands in a sign of peace. “I know you don't believe-”

“There's nothing to believe,” said Gamora, spittle flying from her mouth with every word. “There's nothing out there. Do you understand? Nothing!”

“I just want to see -”

“Stop. _Trying_ ,” said Gamora and pounced on Natasha again.

But Natasha was ready this time. She leaped to the side just in time, and used Gamora's momentum to press her down with her foot on the alien’s back, grabbing firmly at Gamora’s wrists and yanking them back. 

“I'm not making you help me but you should at least let me try,” said Natasha, trying to sound reasonable. “I don't want to hurt you-”

“You can't hurt me,” said Gamora and ripped her arms forwards so ferociously that Natasha had no choice but to let go, pushing herself back and almost flat on the ground before flipping upright with ease.

Gamora turned to face her and from her hip appeared a knife with a handle that sparkled red. 

Natasha took a step back, hands coming up again in a placating gesture that clearly wasn’t working. “What are you _doing_?” 

The added emphasis did not help.

Gamora charged with a yell, brandishing the knife, and Natasha was really seeing the family resemblance just about now. She was able to duck the first slash as she fumbled to get out her own knife, other hand trying to grab on to Gamora’s wrist. She managed but with Gamora's strength barely could slow her down. Natasha’s knee impacted the alien’s abdomen but did not seem to wind her, and she got her knife up only just in time to meet Gamora's a mere inch from the throat. 

She leapt back but not in time for Gamora's fist to descend on her right shoulder, strong enough to make her fly to the ground, landing heavily on her back.

The next instance Gamora was above her, knife flashing up. Natasha kicked up instinctively, but all she managed to do was change its target. She watched as  the knife sunk into her leg.

Her mouth opened to form a hacked-off yelp. 

“Don't bother,” said Gamora with savage relish. “It doesn't hurt anyway, remember? We can't feel anything.“

Which, Natasha realised, was true. But that didn’t stop her mind from working overtime, every muscle in her body tensing up in anticipation of pain and the fear of further injury. And she wasn’t prepared to experiment with just how invulnerable her body was in this place.

Gamora might be stronger. But Natasha was used to fighting people who were strong. She jabbed sharply at Gamora’s neck, who did not even flinch in response. Luckily, however, even if Gamora could not feel pain her wind pipe still seemed to be functional enough to inform her that her air supply had been cut off. When Gamora’s hand went instinctively to her throat, Natasha took the chance to roll out from under her and sprang to her feet. Fight or flight?

Neither would do her much good. Just as Gamora was rearing up, Natasha got behind her and pinned her in a chokehold with her forearm, clinging on to her so that her mouth was right next to Gamora's ear. 

“Gamora,” she said. “ I need you to calm down.”

Gamora let put a strangled yelp, and spun around, presumably trying to shake Natasha off. Probably would have succeeded too if this wasn't right up Natasha's street. She swung herself up to Gamora's shoulders, thighs around her head. As she grabbed on to Gamora's hair the other woman let out a scream of outrage. It was really, really fortunate that Gamora was in a murderous rage (except for the whole her being in a murderous rage thing) because under normal conditions Natasha assumed that Gamora would not struggle whatsoever in getting her off. But with judgement impaired plus being rather out of practice, Gamora fell back on the vice of many overpowered adversaries Natasha had faced: relying on her brute strength. Fists rained down on her thighs, she was shaken around violently hard enough that she could hear her shoulders complaining -

The thing was, Natasha could not feel pain either. 

Gripping at Gamora even stronger with her legs, she waited for Gamora's centre of gravity to shift just enough. Then she rolled forwards and rolled Gamora with her, bringing her down to the ground in a satisfying crash as Natasha rolled over one more time to land securely on her feet. In a flash she was on Gamora and dug her knee under Gamora's throat to buy her an extra second as she got put her shock chip and activated it to one of the highest settings before slapping it on Gamora. Natasha's suit was designed to resist the charge. Gamora's clothes weren't. The shock ran through her, not enough to do much damage (damn, Gamora was strong) but hopefully enough to knock some sense into her. 

She dug down further, meeting Gamora's furious eyes. “Stop fighting me. I'm not your enemy.”

Gamora's hand flew up and closed around Natasha’s neck. Natasha did not move even as she could feel her throat contract. Just when she thought she'd have to shock her again or lose consciousness, Gamora relaxed and her arm fell limply to the ground. 

Natasha remained perched on her a little longer. Of course, Gamora could be faking it - but Natasha doubted it. An emptiness had reentered Gamora's eyes which Natasha was not sure was better than what had preceded it. 

Still, she didn't move to remove the shock chip when she carefully got up from Gamora to sit down with cross-legged right next to her. She stared off into the distance. Five years of this could drive anyone insane. Five years alone…

She sighed. Hopefully they would at least manage to avoid a repeat of… whatever that had been.

She realised the knife was still in her leg. Slowly, she pulled it out - not that it made much of a difference. Wiped it once along her pants and then placed it on the ground. Her leg bled even more heavily now, the blood disappearing on the black fabric but splashing into the water and creating small red flowers every few seconds. The red kept dripping over the suit and trickling down, down, down. Running her fingers over her thighs, she was pretty sure bruises were forming too, where Gamora had punched her. She couldn't feel anything.

“Wounds heal faster than normal here,” said Gamora in a dull voice. “And they can't actually get infected. It'll be harder to move than normal at first but at least it won't hurt.“

“At least it won't hurt,” echoed Natasha quietly before looking at Gamora and her blank face. She did not look back. 

They sat in silence. 

It was so odd and quiet now. Serenity returned to the orange world. Nothing else except for the two of them. 

Could that really be true?


	5. Chapter 5

 

It took Natasha a while to get going again. Part of it was nerves: she didn’t want her renewed attempts to be interpreted by Gamora as an invitation for another round. Part of it was sheer tiredness and a dull hopelessness that was beginning to seep in, however much she wanted to stop it. Part of it was her leg, which didn’t hurt but sure had bled a lot. She had enough first aid supplies at hand to patch it up fairly well, but she hoped Gamora was right about it healing faster than usual.

Not that it made much of a difference.

 _Don’t think that_.

Eventually she stood up, testing the leg and happy enough that she wasn’t going to fall down immediately. She considered Gamora, who hadn’t moved and looked pretty dead to the world. That nasty knife of hers was balanced on one knee and for a brief second Natasha thought of snatching it before dismissing the notion as incredibly foolhardy.

Nothing to do but turn her back and hope Gamora wouldn’t try to stab her.

As it happened, Natasha didn’t fancy another trek just now. No need to strain the leg more than she needed to. Which really left her with one option: explore the… calling it building was being generous. _The structure_. The columns plus roof.

Might as well start with those.

Approaching her target, she took out her knife again and let the blade touch the surface of one of the columns. It made a soft clanging sound. Then she pushed against it, trying to dig it in. No result.

Not exactly shocking. You couldn’t just cut through stone in the real world either.

Still, she experimented around a bit, testing the blade against several of the markings, running it along the ridges and grinding the knife into the corners.

No result. Fine.

Now for diligently inspecting each of the columns, bottom to as far as she could reach. It wasn’t like she was expecting a trap door or something… She didn’t know what to expect, just hoped _something_ …

Still nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Natasha sighed and turned around to quickly check up on her stab-happy new companion. Gamora hadn’t moved. While idly wondering whether muscular atrophy was a thing here, she knelt down and started digging her hands into the ground at the column’s base, scooping the soil away. One handful at a time, trying to shift the soil. This would be a lot easier with a shovel.

“What are you doing?”

She tried not to flinch as she became aware that Gamora had crept up on her, instead turning around cooly. “Trying to see whether the column has a bottom.”

“Why?”

“Might be useful.” _How would that be useful_?

Gamora didn’t ask the question. She didn’t have to.

Natasha went back to her work. As she worried away, the water seeped back in, making the soil softly melt back into the hole she had just created. However much soil she threw away, the surface always became even again.

 _This is utterly pointless_.

She threw a quick look at Gamora and saw that she was still standing several feet away, watching her. A bit of frustration finally made its way to the surface.

“You could help, you know. Keep the water away.”

“You know as well as I that there would be no point.”

Natasha really, really wished she could argue with that.

She kept trying for a few more minutes until she was less trying and just robotically scooping soil away. Whatever she did, it made no difference. Presumably, the columns went on forever. This was not a world she could burrow herself out of. It was probably a world she could not escape at all.

 _Don’t think that. Come on, think. If down isn’t going to work, try up_.

 _Just keep going_.

Natasha gingerly got to her feet, feeling her injured leg strain with the transference of weight. Well, then, time to give it some proper exercise.

“Have you tried scaling the columns?”

“Once. Out of boredom.”

“And?”

Gamora shook her head. “I slid right off.”

Natasha nodded, then tested them herself. She was fully aware of how irritating that must be to Gamora but… well, she needed to experiment. And, not particularly surprisingly, she slid right off too. She’d scaled some pretty tricky things in her time… but it was like they had no friction at all. Odd, because they didn’t feel _that_ smooth…

She walked out from under the roof, looking up at it.

“So you’ve never been up there?”

“No.”

Natasha kept looking up.

“I’ve even tried jumping,” said Gamora. “I’m a lot stronger than you. But it’s like the water is so heavy it keeps me from jumping high enough.”

So Natasha jumped, out of curiosity. And _yes_ , it did feel like it was dragging her down (not that she could have jumped that high in the first place). Odd. She didn’t feel like the water was any heavier than it should be.

All very odd.

After a few more futile attempts, she looked over to where Gamora was watching her. “Could you help me climb up?”

“What could that possibly achieve?

“It's exhausting all the options  -”

“It won’t achieve anything -”

“It might.”

“You don’t believe that. I can see it in your eyes. Your hope is fading.”

Natasha took a deep breath. “It's the only structure here. You're right that wandering around at random is unlikely to be helpful, but this is an actual building - or close enough, anyway. It's the centre of our world. It makes sense to thoroughly investigate it.”

“By climbing on top of it?”

“Well, yes. It’s our biggest blindspot.”

Gamora looked at her coldly. “And if you find nothing?”

She shrugged. “Then I'll have to reassess. Have a serious think about this world and what it's mechanics might be. And then hopefully think our way out.”

“This isn’t something you can think your way out of. Your arrogance in thinking you can trick the most powerful prison of the universe is ridiculous -“

“It's not arrogance as much as it is me knowing that folding to pessimism at the first sign of resistance won’t do anyone any good.” 

Gamora bristled. 

“That wasn't aimed at you. I get it, the five years must have been horrible.” Her brow furrowed. “Trust me, they weren't a walk in the park on my end either. So right now, I feel like I want to try out everything I can think of to get the hell out of here.” She added, more quietly, “And if that doesn't work, if I don't come up with anything, then we can figure out how to best deal with eternity here.”

A frown. “What does that mean?”

“Never mind.”

Gamora took a step forwards. “I _won’t_ hesitate to attack you again.”

Natasha folded her arms, not about to be intimidated. “I’ve just been thinking,” she said evenly, “we both got here through sacrifice, right? What if another sacrifice could… could end our existence here? I know you've always woken up but if another person has to fulfil the sacrifice… “ She trailed off, half-regretting that she had ever spoken, staring off past Gamora but could feel her stir, could feel her look over Natasha with new eyes. 

“I doubt that would work.”

“But it might. If… if there is nothing and we both agree to try… we would have to be in agreement of course, to do it simultaneously…”

Another moment.

“Please. Help me climb this thing.”

Gamora nodded. “Fine I'll help you. Then we'll see.” She crossed some of the remaining distance between them and put her hands on her hips. “How do you want to do this?”

“Um,” said Natasha. If Gamora let her step onto a ladder of her hands and propelled her up, she was pretty sure that she could make that jump. Still, with rules of gravity being potentially screwed up, and plus it was pretty high… “If you kneel and let me on your shoulders and then stand up… would you be up for that?”

Gamora looked at her with a mix of disinterest and dubiousness. “Can you remain balanced?”

Natasha nodded. “I've always had a good sense of balance, as long as you remain fairly steady… don't worry, I'm pretty light.”

“Do you really think I would have survived so long with the mad titan if I could not lift a small Terran?”

“Then let's do this.”

Gamora sighed but stepped out from under the structure and gestured to the ground around her while raising her eyebrows. Natasha nodded. That looked close enough to the ledge that she could grab on immediately, better for stability. 

With Gamora on her knees, Natasha took a deep breath and settled herself. She had pulled off far harder stunts than this in her time. Still, she wished she had a little more trust that Gamora would not let her fall. 

Not like she felt pain here anyway. She could just pick herself up and try again. The far greater worry was that Gamora would grow bored, or even attack her again. Plus, Natasha probably should feel awkward about the fact that the last time she had stepped on Gamora’s shoulders had been to throw her to the ground. But that was really just part of the business.

_Just get on with it, Natasha._

She stepped on Gamora's shoulder gradually transferring her weight before following with the other one. As she did, Gamora very helpfully gripped at her ankles. Then she got up with no discernible effort, as if Natasha was no more bother than an unusual scarf. Fine. Natasha was used to strong people. 

At full height, she could easily reach the ledge with her elbows. No, this wouldn't be a problem at all. She dug her fingers into the ledge, slightly discomforted by how slippery it was, but got enough purchase. Letting herself bounce up and down slightly on the shoulders holding her, she felt Gamora's grip loosen, allowing her the freedom of movement. 

She launched off, using both hands and feet for the first push and digging her fingers in until her arms straightened and she managed to get the first leg over the ledge. Luckily enough the roof dipped off slightly over the ledge so a moment later she was crouched just behind the ledge, fairly secure from falling off but still leaning forwards. 

Easy. 

She began making her way up the roof. A couple of splashes suggested that Gamora had moved to watch her progress. Or maybe she had just gone to have a lie down. 

The roof did have tiles, which allowed for somewhat easier progress. She clambered up far enough that she could reach around the top, grabbing on the edge of the other side and pulling herself up. 

And with that, she was balanced on the roof, both legs swinging lightly onto the side she had come from. It was wide enough to just about be comfortable. She looked first into the distance, where there was still nothing to see but the orange expanse. God, the was getting sick of that colour. Then she looked down to where Gamora was indeed watching her.

Natasha grinned at her. “Thanks for the lift,” she called.

Gamora did not smile back. “And?”

So much for letting Natasha dawdle. She really didn’t want to look down at the ledge she was sitting on, didn’t want to see the smooth surface and the absolutely nothing of interest that would most likely meet her. She really didn’t want to lose hope.

But she couldn’t allow herself to be a coward.

She looked down.

A moment later, she called to Gamora again.

“I found something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm back. I've had this written for a while, just been too lazy/busy to properly edit. And hey, we might even be getting into the 'fixing it' territory.
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments, folks - they're incredibly motivating.


	6. Chapter 6

_Something_ was certainly the right word. The something in question was flat, a flat disk with a dull surface that looked like it might be made of bronze. It was  perhaps an inch thick, with a ridge that ran along its entire diameter. With a little difficulty, Natasha pried it out of the indentation in the roof it lay in - snuggled so neatly she might’ve missed it if she hadn’t been looking so carefully. She tried to dig in her nails into the virtually non-existent gap before getting out the needle in her pack and levering out the damn thing. It was fiddly work, involving a lot of poking and cursing. Once she managed, she turned it over in her hand.

“What is it?” Gamora called. 

“Not sure,” Natasha called back. She added, “Probably nothing.”

She turned it over in her hand again. Sure didn't look like much, just a piece of scrap metal. Even if its placement was more than a little suspicious. She felt hope and disappointment vying for control of her and tried to suppress both, since both were premature and entirely pointless. Maybe turning it over a third time would do the trick, like she was summoning a genie. The thought made her chuckle. Nothing happened. Still, at this point she might as well stick with trying everything that came to mind.

With her index finger she traced the ridge from beginning to end. The disk quivered a little and seemed to heat up a bit, though perhaps she was just imagining things. It didn’t seem to cool down again. Not that that meant -

“Natasha!”

“Hm?” she said, not really paying attention.

“ _Look_!”

Natasha looked over to Gamora and saw -

It looked like… How could you describe it? That orange light that seemed to emanate from all corners of the horizon was still there but it was joined by a new source: a thick line of light from ground to sky, shimmering with a ghostly glow. Not far away it was almost imperceptible, blending into the background, but closer to them it was more than visible. It started right at the columns and ran past Gamora, twisting and turning far into the distance. No straight lines, no clear sources, never fading like both the ground and the sky and all particles in between were glowing autonomously. It looked fantastical, like something that shouldn’t quite be real, which it probably wasn’t. It looked like a corridor. It looked like a path.

She looked back down at the disk. It still looked entirely ordinary. Had it really done this, whatever _this_ was?

“It's a path!” said Gamora and for the first time, she actually sounded excited. Clearly she'd never made a glow path appear from nowhere, which made two of them.

“Yes,” said Natasha. More quietly, “Yes, it does look like that.” She looked back down at the roof, checking whether she had missed something. As far as she could tell there was nothing else here. She ran a hand along the rest of the roof, searching for indentations of some kind the naked eye might miss. But she felt nothing.

“ _Come on_!”

* * *

Gamora’s enthusiasm lasted for about twenty minutes. Just long enough for them to make the decision to follow the path, and _start_ following the path, initially walking in the light itself and then realising all that would achieve would be to damage their eyes - if that was even possible. So they walked beside it as it curved around. Not a straight path with a clear destination. No reason to believe it would go anywhere special.

If _this_ didn’t work… Natasha could veritably see the tension rise in Gamora. Already.

Natasha sighed, wondering how she could distract her volatile companion. Better yet, make Gamora trust her. Whatever lay ahead, they might need that.

_Not exactly your speciality, is it._

“What?”

“I was just thinking,” said Natasha, trying to think of something she had been thinking about, “I’m still unsure how all these stones work. What power is, what mind is. Who even decides that?”

Which she hadn’t been thinking about just now, but had quite a bit over the last five years. She’d never considered herself the most philosophically-minded of her companions but the question seemed to interest her more than it did the others, probably because she was the one fuelled by sheer desperation. Back when she’d still been _trying everything_. Including figuring out why the stones were the way they were.

It might have been a Tony-question except that he’d wanted to move on and also he was usually more interested in _how_ they worked rather than the _why_. It probably would’ve been a Bruce-question except he really had been dealing with his own… issues. She had mentioned it to Steve a few times and he had tried to indulge her, but she had known he didn’t see the point.

“It just _is_ ,” said Gamora, not sounding like she saw much of a point either.“No one decides.”

And really, it wasn’t clear why it would matter. But now considering they were - were they trapped inside? - somehow linked with the soul stone anyway, her ruminations were coming back to her. She’d seen a lot of weird stuff over the years and a lot of the time she tried to just accept it, but in her head it needed to make sense with _some_ kind of logic. The universe might not work in the way she supposed, but it had to work in _some_ way according to _some_ rules, and if she didn’t know what they were how was she supposed to predict or satisfactorily react to anything? It was a matter of survival, of common sense.

“It just never made sense to me. These stones…”

She trailed off, thinking that of course the person who _would_ have indulged her as she puzzled about with this would’ve been Clint, and any other time he probably would’ve been the person to ask these questions. While he’d learned to roll with most of the things he encountered, he still enjoyed poking away at weirdness with gusto, puzzling at the strangeness of the universe for his own amusement. He just _loved_ the idea of Norse gods existing except when they were camping out in his head, and when she wasn’t fighting him he also found Wanda’s powers ever so neat. But of course she’d never had the chance to puzzle all this out with him, because he’d decided to go on a murder spree instead.

“ _What_?”

“Hm?” Natasha tried to focus again. “Six stones formed in the creation of the universe. What does that mean? Why did the universe just create stones?”

“The universe is a weird place.”

“Yeah, but the divisions don’t make any sense. Take power, for instance. How is that a fundamental force? In the same way space is, say?”

“Power tends to have immense significance,” said Gamora dryly.

“Yes,” said Natasha patiently. “But how is it separate from say reality? Isn't everything reality? What could power possibly achieve differently?”

“Power involves physical exertion of will over the other. That's what makes it unique.”

She shook her head. “There's overlap in their powe- well, abilities, I suppose. They expel energy…” This, she had discussed this with Steve. “And it's not always consistent. How do you get super speed from the mind?”

“What?”

“Someone I knew got super speed after he was experimented on with the mind stone. But the same person experimented in the same way did get… mind-related powers but also telekinesis. Which I suppose is somewhat mind-related but…”

Gamora grimaced. “Then what do you think explains it, Terran?”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it over these last few years. And it’s not exactly my area, but it does pass the time.”

She looked around at the orange nothingness. “Could have needed some of that.”

Natasha tipped her head.

“Go on, then.” A ghost of a smile crossed Gamora’s face as she raised her eyebrows at Natasha, which was probably a good sign however dry her tone was. “Tell me how the Terrans have cracked the secrets of the universe.”

“I’m sure we have,” said Natasha with a grin. “I think they _were_ created along with the rest of the universe, and because they’re a remnant of that creation they can alter the reality around them. So over time, each of them have somewhat different sets of abilities or…. predispositions… for some reason.”

“For some reason.”

“Yes. And those got labelled the things we call them now. Mind, space, time, the other three…”

“Soul.”

“Power.”

“Reality," finished Gamora, then sighed.  “Fine. So they’re not actually what we call them. Why… How would that make more sense then them just _being_ -”

“But they can’t just be, right? We have these concepts of power and space and they’re sort of distinct, but surely they wouldn’t be in every culture, in every language, right?” Natasha was tempted to add a disclaimer that this had made more sense in her head, but resisted. “It makes more sense that we just… just made it fit, to have a way of describing things. But then they’re not actually separate.”

Gamora took a deep breath like she had to physically restrain herself from jumping Natasha again. “ _So what_?”

“If we’re trapped in the soul stone… we don’t actually know what it is. Seems like something worth thinking about.”

“Let’s just see where this path leads. If it leads anywhere.”

_That sure sounds like doubt_. “You give up something you love to get the stone,” Natasha pressed on.

Gamora's looks were growing swiftly colder again. “And?”

“So it’s about souls being linked or something? How does a stone even know what love is?”

“Who cares? Maybe it doesn’t. I _hope_ it doesn’t,” said Gamora and increased her pace, stomping off just far enough that she pointedly walked several metres in front of Natasha.

_What was that about_? It took her a moment to put two and two together and remember why Gamora was here, but when she did it was all she could do not to groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [insert t'challa 'and as you can see, I am not dead' gif]


End file.
